I’ve been unemployed for officially two weeks now, after being made redundant. Turns out being unemployed is actually nothing like being on furlough, sadly. My self-esteem, which hangs around somewhere below my knees at the best of times, is now firmly on the floor, being dragged behind me like a weight around my ankles.
So far I’ve applied for 6 jobs, ranging from pick-packing in a factory to a managerial role that pays more than twice what I’ve ever earned. I’ve been rejected by Morrisons and the local coffee shop as of today; let’s hope that’s not a sign of more to come.
It was a pleasant surprise to find that jobseekers allowance still exists in this new hellscape we live in. With all the job centres closed still, the application process was super easy, so hopefully that will all go through and give us a bit of breathing space for a while. If you’re in a similar situation, do have a look at entitledto.co.uk.
The days are getting cooler and shorter, the leaves turning and falling and I am desperate for time to just stop for a little while. I can deal with being a professional failure while the sun is shining and I can fill my days with country walks and exercise and enjoying our bright sunny flat. But the seasons will change and the regular malaise will creep in (note to self: buy high strength vit D) and the fear of still being in this situation through the darkest months brings me to fear.
For now though, I’ll keep writing my daily to-do lists and drinking my green tea and hold my head up. I’ve lost my job, not my life, and for that at least, I can be thankful. I have savings in the bank, my husband has a job, we have a home and cheap rent and a cat to keep us entertained. If it gets to a point where I can’t afford my chocolate addiction, then I’ll start to worry.